HUMOR AND INTERESTING STUFF
The next time you are feeling just a little bit self-important click here:
Church Bulletin Boards
Thank God for the wonderful church ladies with typewriters. These sentences below actually
appeared in church bulletins or were announced by the Pastor at church services
Ø The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the Water." The sermon tonight "Searching for
Jesus."
Ø Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8 PM in the recreation hall. Come
out and watch us kill Christ the King.
Ø Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth
keeping around the house. Don't forget your husbands.
Ø Miss Charlene Mason sang "I will not pass this way again," giving obvious pleasure to the
congregation.
Ø Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.
Ø Barbara remains in the hospital and needs blood donors for more transfusions. She is also
having trouble sleeping and requests tapes of Pastor Jack's sermons.
Ø The Rector will preach his farewell message after which the choir will sing "Break Forth Into
Joy."
Ø Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a
friendship that began in their school days.
Ø A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.
Ø At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What Is Hell?" Come early and
listen to our choir practice.
Ø Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and
to the deterioration of some older ones.
Ø The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.
Ø Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.
Ø The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the
basement on Friday afternoon.
Ø This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring
a blanket and come prepared to sin.
Ø Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM. All ladies are invited to lunch in
the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done.
Ø The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric
girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.
Ø Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door.
Ø The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday
at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
Ø Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double
door at the side entrance.
Ø The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday: "I
Upped My Pledge - Up Yours."
Daylilies and Spouses-
The following is an actual post from the AHS e-mail robin to which I belong(printed with
permission)
John died last fall. He did not like gardening. Which didn't mean that he did not like gardens .
He enjoyed a beautiful garden, as long as it did not entail any actual labor on his part. He
happily accompanied me to the International Rose Test Garden, to the Japanese Garden and to
the Rhododendron Garden.
I just could not get any help in MY garden. Or with ANY of my garden projects, large or small.
So I worked alone, but kept telling him that sooner or later I would find a way to get him to help.
"Over my dead body" was his usual response.
All of us came together from several states to Portland, Oregon, for the funeral in the town he
has born and raised in. There is a family crypt there, the resting place of other family
members. My daughters' garden above the Columbia river supplied armfuls of roses for the
service at the church, the roses later to be placed in the crypt, around the urn.
So, it was with a possibly, slightly malicious spite, that I left the mausoleum after the interment
of his ashes, carrying the tiniest vial in my purse. A few days later, I flew home to my garden,
and put part of him into one of the beds. If he wouldn't help before he died, he could darn well
help after, if only by supplying a few nutrients for the daylilies. After all, he himself did say, over
my dead body.
FROM
|
SUBJECT
|
JOANNIE Bartolone
|
Paris Hilton To Operate New Atom Smasher
|
Sonal Clarke
|
Paris Hilton violated by Gypsies
|
tanvir bluffer
|
Paris Hilton selling her 'used' underwear on eBay!
|
gloviak
|
Polar Bear Finds Yoga Great For Flexibility, But
Murder On The Balls
|
-@.MISSING-HOST-NAME.
|
Queen Elizabeth abducted in Tibet
|
Valtteri
|
Michael Jackson Feels A Little Prick
|
McCain
|
Lohan Sentenced To Swabbing Morgue Corpses
|
racquel
|
Bush Averts Albanian Uprising By Invading Alabama
|
Hodhod
|
Jesus Christ To Star In Next Series Of Big Brother
|
Sicong
|
Look attractive with a larger jackhammer
|
Salmaan Cunhavale
|
Britney Spears Admits "My Vagina Made Me Shave
My Head Bald"
|
kristof
|
"brainstorming" To Be Banned Under Equality And
Diversity Rules
|
Daag
|
Fat Chinese Man Kills And Eats Brother Because He
Was Hungry
|
andres jiachen
|
To: rich Scientific Evidence Proves Hillary Full Of Crap
|
ewart farrell
|
To: rich Shocking Video Shows Spongebob And Gay
Sex
|
bertrando garth
|
To: rich You're a moron
|
|
These are actual e-mails I received last year (and did not open)
WARNING ---SOME ARE EXPLICIT!!
Thank you all for these gems--especially you bertrando!